Friday, July 22, 2005

Random student quotes from my time as a conversation teacher...

During my year and a bit of being a conversation teacher here in Japan, I heard many humorous student quotes... and with nothing whatsoever to do for the last hour of the day, I'm going to transpose them to this blog. To set the scene, most of the quotes were heard in a dying city in the backwater of Fukuoka-prefecture, a place of physical impairments, chemically-tinged air and deafening cicadas. The last 11 were in my adopted home town, where I taught for the remaining five months of my contract.

"I see a fireball then light of a torch, then I finding a bag of fingers in the forest."
(reponse to "Have you ever seen a ghost?")

"I take a bath with Ayumi Hamasaki and she is rubbing a hot lemon into my balls."
(response to "What's the best dream you've ever had?")

"I want my grandmother dead. She's a drain on the family allowance."
(response to "Tell me about your family.")

"There are a lot of hotel girls for blow-jobs and serious conversation."

(response to "Have you ever visited Kurume?")

"You die with orange fingers."
(response to "Why is smoking cigarettes bad?")

"A newborn baby. I'd raise him in our way and send back to earth to take over."
(response to "If you were an alien visiting earth and you could take a human back home with you, who would you take?")

"We would be pets.. no, we would be food, because the animals want revenge."
(reponse to "What would happen if animals ruled the world?")

"Green apples."
(reponse to "What are you scared of?")
"Greeeeeen aaaaaaplessss."
(reponse to "Can you expand on that?")

"When living with a wife, white lies and flattery are so necessary."
(response to "Have you ever used flattery?")

"Sumos slap sakura trees. The first to have a naked tree is the winner."
(response to "If there was a Spring olympics in Japan, what new sport would you invent?")

"Oh shit! I falling from another house window!"
(response to "Can you think of a caption to this cartoon?")

"I made another girl come all night."
(response to "Please rephrase this sentence - my friend accompanied me on my date.")

"I like meek people , because I can control them better."
(response to "Do you prefer meek or assertive?")

"Poor people shouldn't have money becasuse they don't know how to spend it."
(response to "What do you think about money?")

"Your erection is so important to me."
(response to "You don't care about my apartment! That's why you had it demolished to provide sun for your garden!")

"Young girls - they're my favourite."
(response to "If you were an alien and you had to take 5 humans back to your planet, who would you take?")

"My wife."
(unintentional response to "What are you going to do at the weekend?")

"A young nurse... yeah."
(response to "Imagine you are sick. What do you need?")

"It was wrong of me to drop a carrot in the toilet."
(response to "ABC plumbing, how can I help you?")

"Sure, giving head."
(response to "Repeat after me - sure go ahead.")

"Foreign cock."
(response to "Which origami do you like making?")

"It's like homework from God."
(response to "Do you like studying Japanese history in your free time?")

"Mountain sun-fall."
(response to "What does this picture make you think of?")

"Teacher, be a robot so I can control you and chase my friend around the room."
(4 year old's Japanese response to "Let's play a game!")

"Don't play with fire lest you piddle in your bed."
(response to "Please invent a superstition.")


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