Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Stream of consciousness rant...

Why is it that in Japan you have to suddenly declare all food to be "oishii" the split second that it enters your mouth? I need at least 5 seconds to ascertain what a food tastes like, and I absolutely refuse to confirm to the oishii thing. If a food is truly delicious then I might say it, but if not, I won't. Declaring all food to be delicious is counter productive and the word has lost all of it's meaning. Saying "oishii" has become a meaningless, automatic phrase, rather like how in English we usually reply to "how are you?" with "I'm ok/fine."

What's the deal with Japanese girls and the awful way a lot of them dress? Layer upon layer of flimsy linens, hopelessly out of coordination both in colour and shape, the god awful black knee length stocking socks, those terrible half sock doiley things, the cut off jeans with a skirt, and usually with high heels, the ostentatious and desperate oversized Louis Vuitton handbags and the vain "look at me" way that girls hold them at the elbow.

Then there's the way that they overreact to the most mundane of news ("uusooooooooo!!", "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"), the way they sit on the priority train seats and close their eyes and pretend to sleep so no one will expect them to offer their seat to someone more deserving, the way a lot of them wear old women hats and elbow length gloves supposedly to protect themselves against UV radiation, but actually because some no talent hack in a magazine wore them once, because they are very vain and can't bear the thought of anything other than milky white skin, and because they think they are being ultra-fashionable, whereas in fact they add ten years to their appearance with every piece of unneeded clothing.

The scores of Japanese men that wear barbie-pink shirts and think they look cool. You look terrible! The girls who wear fishnet stockings and think it's fashionable, and refuse to believe that it's the western symbol of the prostitute. The Japanese teenagers that run halfway down the lane when bowling, thereby messing up the oil for the next bowlers. The way that all Japanese amateur bowlers have to touch hands after every successful shot. They way they all have their little plastic compartmentalised boxes and carry out the same ritual everytime they arrive at the alley. The Japanese visit someone's house (they go to the combini, get some snacks and sit in a circle in the living room talking about absolute shit for ages!). The average Japanese's appalling grasp of basic geography. The way that every question or statement on Japanese TV is replied to with "so desu ne, ano....". The way that Japanese people eat on TV commercials (open mouthed, slurpy, over enthusiatic). The way that all Japanese housewives on TV wear aprons, no matter what they are doing. The way that waitresses and waiters will always ignore the foreigner ordering in perfect Japanese in look at the Japanese member of the group. The fact that 6 pieces of overly-sweet, tasteless bread costs more than a whole loaf anywhere else. The way that whenever there is a public holiday, everyone has to go out and do something en mass. The way that most Japanese people over the age of 30 eat their food and suck and champ their gums afterwards (due to their terrible dental hygeine). The way that shops and offices continue to blast the air con when the weather has clearly changed, just because it is officially the same season. The fact that only old ladies seem to wear kimonos regularly. The stupidly overpriced and lacklustre lager they sell in tiny glasses in some Japanese bars. The moronic "talents" that they have on Japanese TV shows. The seeming lack of sarcasm. The way that so many foods and drinks are unnecessarily wrapped up.

Ok, I feel a bit better now...


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