Osaka trip

With Japan being Japan, in order to set in motion the wheels of marriage, I had to head to Osaka today to sign two pieces of paper and swear on the bible that my marriage intentions were honourable. So, I was up at 5am and off to Hakata to catch an early shinkansen (bullet train for those of you not au fait with things Japanese).

Anyway, despite having to lug myself halfway across the country, it wasn't a bad day. In fact, it was one of those rare lucky days when everything seems to go in your favour. Allow me to elaborate with a list of what happened:

- First, I magically found a seat on the Jr train from Kurume to Hakata, despite not being at the front of the queue and it being quite busy for 6.20am.
- Second, I found not only the shinkansen but the door closest to my seat, by sheer chance.
- Third, I managed to find the Osaka subway line, despite not looking at any signs or pausing to survey the area.
- Fourth, at my destination, I was quite lost, and with more than 10 exits to choose from, I chose the correct one.
- Fifth, despite stopping for a toilet break, I managed to stroll into the subway and straight on to the train without missing a stride.
- Sixth, I entered the very busy ticket office, and a counter suddenly became free, at which I reserved my ticket in record time for the shinkansen that left 6 minutes later.
- And seventh, I walked up the first stairway I saw, and found that once again I was in exactly the right spot to board and sit down.

This sort of thing has happened to me before in England, where the traffic lights seem to change to green as you approach them, good things come on tv and the weather does what you want it to. Had Japan a weekly national lottery, I would probably have bought a ticket.

Oh, and just going back to the subway, I have a message for the young woman that was sat opposite me from honmachi station, just in case she is reading. Young lady, you are quite attractive, but if you wear

- a huge black bobble hat, well over a foot tall.
- giant gold Elvis shades perched on the said hat.
- a far too small black satiny jacket with a lucky rabbits foot hanging from it.
- elasticated too short camoflage trousers.
- oversized black stilletoe heels.

then you look every inch the dog's dinner you probably are. And, if you really want me to look at you, discreetly stamping one heel and coughing will only make me ignore you all the more.