"It's a coffee table book.."
Having watched Throw Momma from the Train a few nights ago, I feel I should emulate creative writing student Mr Plisk and compile my own version of "100 girls I'd like to pork". So here we go, in no particular order..
1. Holly Valance when she was Flick Scully in Neighbours.
2. Lucy Liu in the role of Ling Woo c.1998.
3. Raquel Welch c.1966.
4. Shibasaki Ko (Mitsuko from Battle Royale) c.2000.
5. Takeuchi Yuko (Tomoko from Ringu) c.1998.
6. Jennifer Love Hewitt c.1999.
7. Jessica Alba before she dyed her hair blonde.
8. Natalie Imbrulia around the time of Torn.
9. Kendall Nunn.
10. The blonde from Abba c.mid 70s.
11. The Asian girl from Family Affairs c.2000
12. Jasmine Lowson (Big Breakfast newscaster) c.late 90s.
13. Michelle Lee when she made The Legend of Fong Sai Yuk.
14. Castaway Sun from TV show Lost.
15. Waka Inoue.
16. Shannon Elizabeth c.late 90s.
17. Prettee Kaur from that Knightrider-themed music video.
18. Brandy, particulary when she was in the video to Stunt 101.
19. Jane Seymour c.early 70s.
20. Claudine Auger c.early 60s.
21. Eri Furuse.
22. Konnie Huq.
23. Scarlett Johansson.
24. Felicity Kendall c.early 70s.
25. Rachel Stevens.
26. Catherine Bell.
27. The girl from the maybelene ad c.2000.
28. The jumping girl from the No More Cry music video.
29. Kym Valentine.
30. The girl with the perfect arse that I saw on the train to Kyoto.
31. The student nurse in Osaka.
32. The incredibly fit girl with the perfect action at the bowling alley.
33. The cutest of the girls at Doutor coffee.
34. The girl that works at the kaiten zushi restaurant in Kurume.
35. The cake shop girl at Omuta YouMe Town.
36. The actress that played Aki in You Only Live Twice c. the mid 60s.
37. Emily Booth c.2000.
38. Deadly Little Miho from Sin City.
39. Brooke Burke.
40. The mysterious Chinese girl in the window at University c.2001.
41. Melanie Sykes c.1995.
42. Louise Wener c.1995.
43. The sleepy office lady that's sometimes on the train.
44. The English-speaking staff girl at the bowling alley.
45. The girl from the Don't You Want Somebody to Love? music video.
46. Kelly Brook c.1998.
47. The actresses that played Fuk Mi and Fuk Yu in Goldmember.
48. Louise Nurding c.1995.
49. Maria Grazia Cucinotta c.1997.
50. The girl that works at Kurume Eki Lawsons.
52. The perfectly-waisted girl with terrible hair at the bowling alley.
53. The cheeky-faced softcore idol from last night's TV.
54. The lead actress in Friday night's Korean drama, Chang Gumu.
55. The girl that played the nurse in the Miami Beach Hotel in Goldfinger c.1964.
56. The final contestant of the pyjama wrestling on TV a few weeks ago.
57. The girl in the Ageru/A girl TV ad.
58. Matsushima Nanako (Reiko in Ringu) c.1998.
59. Kelly Chen c.1998.
60. Heidi Klum c.2001.
61. The HK girl on the cover of Time magazine last year.
62. The actress that played Lady Isobel Knowles in Elizabeth c.1998.
63. Celeste from Daphne and Celeste.
64. Newscaster Katie Derham.
65. The lead dnacer at JJ's Roller Disco in Beijing c.2000.
66. The beautiful girl dancing atop Kora mountain.
67. The checkout girl at Direx in Kurume.
68. The hairdresser near Hanabatake station.
69. The girl in the clothes shop in Ichibangai.
70. The girl that works at 7Eleven in Yanagawa.
71. The amusement centre staff girl near Hakata.
72. The girl modelling clothes on This Morning c.1994.
73. The girl who scandalously didn't win a TV modelling show c.1999.
74. Air Jockey Anna from Love FM.
75. The hairdressing assistant in Norwich c.2003.
76. The blase American girl at Heathrow c.2003.
77. The delightful Chinese girl at Ikon in Norwich c.1998.
78. The sulking daughter-in-law at Daiei c.2005.
79. The actress that plays Aki in 2nd House.
80. The actress that plays the girl in the blonde wig in 2nd House.
81. Rio Natsume.
82. Madeline West.
83. The girl on the Akomu TV ad before they changed the format.
84. The actress that played Lynn Warner in Prisoner c.1977.
85. The actress that played Tripitaka in Monkey Magic c.1979.
86. The cute girl that used to present Milkshake on Channel 5 c.1997.
87. The actresses that played the supermodels in the new version of The Italian Job.
88. The coffee shop helper c.1992.
89. The drummer from The Corrs c.1999.
90. Valerie Lyon c.1969.
91. The actress that played the nurse in Carry on Doctor c.1967.
92. The churlish student on the train.
93. The actress that played the girl that tends to bed-ridden Nanahara in Battle Royale c.2000.
94. Denise Richards c.1998.
95. Susanna Hoffs c.1985.
96. The Japanese girl on the NTA flyer.
97. The girl at the boiler company c.2002.
98. The smug office lady on the train c.2004.
99. The actress that played the Thai girl in Mean Girls.
100. The blonde girl that used to present late night sports on channel 5.